talking about myself

I wish I weren’t so worried about my identity being discovered on this blog–then I might actually be able to write about something interesting. Instead I have to bore myself and all of you over and over again with mind-numbing details about my uterine lining and hormone doses.

And on that note, time for an update.

I woke up four hours ago, and I just now got to work, at about 9:30 am. I’m exhausted and ready to go home. But anyway, at the doc’s, I learned that my lining is quite thick (7.9 mm), but my follicles are still lagging. The biggest one I think was about 9.2 mm or something. So I’ve been upped to one vial per day, starting today. The nurse seemed to feel things would probably move quite quickly at this point, somehow reading my thick lining as a sign of this. Never mind the fact that she started me on estrogen patches last Friday for the very purpose of thickening my lining. It’s like she thinks my lining is thick because of the Menopur, or because my follicles are growing (even though they’re not), rather than because of the estrogen she’s given me. Basically, I don’t get it. It’s kind of as though she prescribed me a diet of french fries and milkshakes five times a day for the last two weeks, and when I came in she said, “Oh wow, it looks like you’re putting on some weight. Are you depressed?”

So I’m on a vial a day until Friday, when I go back for another ultrasound. And she even said, “If you start to feel uncomfortable or pressure in your ovaries, you should come in on Thursday.” Wow. I am encouraged by the unprecedented alarm. She said she thinks we’re “almost there.”

Then, because I didn’t really have anything pressing this morning at work, I went back home and gave myself the other half of the vial I started this morning.

See what I mean? Pretty fascinating stuff, this.

I just really hope something’s happening by Friday. Yes, that’s the day my friends are coming to stay with us. And yeah, so as it turns out, I ended up just telling my friend. We were on the phone and I said, “Okay, this has kind of been bothering me, so I’m just going to say it and I hope you don’t think I’m too weird…” And when I told her she laughed and said, “Just let us know if you guys need to get away for awhile.” Very sweet. I still think back on it and wonder if it seems completely strange and creepy that I told her. But again, the reason I did is because I hate the tiptoeing around the subject when I would normally just tell her everything.

I am excited that they’re coming out here, though. That will be a fun distraction for the weekend.

In the mean time, I seem to have gained more weight, and I’m really hoping it’s a bloating thing. It does strike me as funny how the difference actually matters to us–I mean, it’s already idiotic enough that we care about a few pounds here or there, but that it should be better when it’s water retention rather than actual fat, like we don’t have to feel bad about being bloated because it’s somehow morally superior to fat. Oh, you mean those two pounds aren’t from the half a cheesecake I ate on Sunday night? Phew, and here I was feeling guilty.

That’s what the nurse wrote on my chart today, CD 9. With regard to my follicles. Whatever.

They are keeping me on a half vial and giving me an estrogen patch to start bulking up my lining now (it’s only at 4.4 mm or so at the moment) so we won’t have to worry about it later. I go back in on Tuesday for another ultrasound.

I’m bored. And I woke up really early this morning for this stupid appointment, so I’m also sleepy. I guess I can’t really worry too much since I know this worked once, so it’s just a matter of being patient. Boooooorriiiiiiiing.

By the way, the timing of this is pretty much guaranteed to suck. I have two friends (a couple) visiting and staying with us next weekend, which I just know is going to be when we’re scheduled to have sex. And it’s not that we can’t pull this off–they WILL be staying in a separate room, downstairs and everything–it’s just that I generally tell the girl half of the couple what’s going on in the whole “getting pregnant” process, so I have two choices. I’m either going to have to become suddenly vague, or I will just have to risk making us all uncomfortable when I tell her, “and we’re supposed to have sex for the next three nights” when they’ve just settled into our guest room for the next…three…nights.

So hopefully the timing won’t be so unfortunate.

Oh, but it could be worse, so forgive me for being such a whiner. We could also be nowhere near triggering in a week. That might even be more annoying.