Not much, but that’s okay.

March 24, 2008 at 11:46 am (Uncategorized)

Ultrasound #2 today.  Sort of confusing.  I still have “lots of little follicles deciding who is going to be up.”  One measured 10 mm today, whereas last Thursday the nurse said they were all under 10 mm, though she didn’t actually measure any last time.  I tried to get her to say that the 10 mm one had grown since Thursday (it sounds like it, right?), but she wouldn’t cave.   She said it might have been that big last time, as they all probably sit in there under or at about 10 mm. But again, she didn’t seem concerned, what with the low dose and the fact that this is my first time doing this, etc.

Anyway, though, there is some good news–my lining thickened even further to 6.2 mm (from 4.6 last Thursday–I sneaked a peek at my chart). She essentially said this proves I am responding to the Menopur and that it *will* happen eventually. And that we have to keep going slowly because “we don’t want a football team.” Last time we didn’t want a baseball team. I’d probably be okay with maybe like a tennis team, as long as the equipment doesn’t come with. Actually, scratch that–I was on the tennis team in the 7th grade, and they let pretty much anyone with a skirt with built-in underwear play (thus explaining how I got on).

Then she said she was going to increase my dose to one vial a day. And I said, as politely as I could, “Well, the thing is, I thought Dr. RE said she would keep me on this dose for as long as 20 days.” And you know, it’s not that I want to stay at this dose, but I want to do what’s best and I want to see that they are communicating. I was hoping she’d say, “Oh, I know, but I told her all about your ultrasound last Thursday, and she said if they’re all still at or under 10 mm by Monday, that we should increase you to one vial.” Instead, she said, “Oh, really? Okay. I’ll ask her then. You should stay at the same dose unless you hear from me.

Hmm. So I can’t trust you to check with the RE before increasing my dose, but I can trust you to talk to her now and call me if she says you should increase it?

My appointment was three hours ago and I really want to call and make sure they spoke and that I should stay at the same dose. I probably will, because, after all, I am fucking paying for it.

Although, I forgot about the wonderful thing that happened after the ultrasound. Since I have now run out of my original stock of Menopur, the nurse gave me two vials. Two whole vials! That practically made up for the cost of that ultrasound. Actually, it didn’t, but maybe that’s how they figure it’s okay to just go handing this stuff out. It’s like, they obviously made me come in for at least one ultrasound I didn’t technically need, so to pay me back they’ll give me some free outrageously expensive hormones. It just occurred to me that those little vials of Menopur are kind of like those little jars of saffron, where you can’t believe how expensive some crappy little pistils are. Don’t you remember learning that saffron was worth more than it’s weight in gold? I probably learned that on Mr. Rogers and it’s probably totally wrong, but anyway, the point is, I’m seeing parallels here. I’m not sure they’re that interesting, however, so I’ll move on now.

It does disturb me a bit that I had to tell the nurse that the RE did not intend to increase my dose this early. It’s a yucky feeling when you’re not convinced they’re being careful to look out for your best interests. I know they say you have to be your own advocate with your doctor, but it’s scary when you know you know so much less than they do about what’s going on, and you’re not sure they’re paying attention.

While I was waiting to pay, I overheard a couple in an exam room talking to a nurse practitioner, and the NP was saying, “You know, if you want to enjoy your pregnancy, don’t read the internet. I swear, how do you think we got through our pregnancies before there was the internet? We somehow made it!” And the husband guffawed and said, “Yes, the human race has survived until now without the internet!” And the wife laughed timidly. And I know she was thinking, “There is no fucking way I am going to stop reading the internet about my pregnancy.” Look, dudes. Of course most pregnancies would be fine without the internet, but I think it seems obvious that our increased access to information has provided a net positive effect, at least with regard to health. Sure, sometimes you’re going to imagine aches and pains and problems where there aren’t any because someone’s blog or whatever put it into your head. But I, for one, know so much more about this process that *I* am going through from reading the internet, than I would if I were just talking to the people at my doctor’s office. At the very least, the internet gives me the questions to ask. Furthermore, I have read a number of stories of people who became aware of problems they would otherwise not have noticed, thanks to the internet. So anyway, I don’t know why I’m going off on this, since I’m guessing most people would probably agree, and the NP was mostly making a throwaway comment anyway. But I’m just saying. Well, I guess I’m saying that I like the internet. Anyone want to argue with that? Thought so.

I amaze myself with how much I can write when it’s about me. See? The title is fitting.

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3 Comments

  1. sara said,

    It’s got to be frustrating when you feel like the nurse and doctor aren’t communicating..almost as frustrating as how darn expensive those fertility meds are! I’m certainly not going to stop reading the internet anytime soon..but that’s just me. I hope your next ultrasound goes well!

  2. Mel said,

    Hey there!! Thanks for reading my blog. We are total cycle sisters, on the same boat right now. My RE is also very conservative, but I have read tons of GREAT things about slow stimming and how not only do you keep from having multiples this way, but that the quality of the eggs is better. Something positive to hear, right? It sounds like you are taking your Menopur sub-cutaneously? I am supposed to take them intramuscularly, just like I have been with the Repronex and I really need to switch hips, because I’ve been using the right one only for 14 days (yep, I’ve been stimming for 14 damn days) and I am looking like a track-marked up heroin junkie.
    How are your E2 levels going?
    I am surprised you haven’t had an HSG done!
    I will be keeping up with you and wishing for the VERY best for both of us.

  3. Patti said,

    HI there. Thanks for stopping by on my blog. If it’s okay with you, I am going to add you to my list of blogs on the sidebar?

    I agree that the internet is a saving grace if for no other reason than it lets a woman know that she’s not alone in her struggle. Misery loves company and hope needs a lot of support.

    Keep posting!

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