Oh, I don’t know.

March 30, 2008 at 12:02 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve realized part of the reason I feel so sure we’re not going to see anything tomorrow. Okay, this is going to sound so stupid, but…I can’t really imagine that ultrasound looking any different than it has the past three times to even the most trained eye. What I mean is, I can barely see anything when she shows me the ultrasound screen, and there’s this small but highly skeptical, totally irrational, batshit insane part of me that doesn’t believe the nurse can see anything either. (See, I told you this was going to sound stupid.) Last time I felt like she looked at the two black blobs that are my ovaries for approximately 1 second each and “was able to tell” that the follicles hadn’t grown. How? I mean, I could sort of see the smaller blobs (follicles?!) that made up the larger blob (ovary?!) and *I* thought some of them looked a little bigger. How could she tell so fast that they didn’t? Maybe she hates me and wants me to suffer. Maybe the powder they put in those Menopur vials is actually baking soda. I think I’m onto something.

For the record, yes, I realize she has undergone years of education and I haven’t. I know she has tons of experience and I don’t. And yes, I get that she was trained to see follicles and I wasn’t. But conspiracies are conspiracies, is all I’m saying. Aaaand now I feel the need to explain that yes, I’m kidding.

Ultrasound tomorrow (cycle day 19, day 17 of injections) and I’m still not optimistic because, like everyone else, I actually don’t know anything but I want to protect myself.

Thanks for the comments, everyone. I still can’t believe people are actually reading this. You all sound so smart and rational and wise.

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2 Comments

  1. Lady Bits said,

    I can’t see what they’re pointing to on the screen. Neither can my husband. We’ve learned to smile/ frown and ooh/aah according to what we’re being told as it’s too shaming to admit neither of us have a clue what we’re supposed to be looking at. To me, it looks like what happens when you pull the aeriel out of the TV. One time, when we were still in the ‘trying to see what they’re going on about’ stage, Richard asked the lady doing the examination what the darker white patchces towards the bottom of the screen were. After a pause she said ‘they’re the folds of your wife’s bowel’. I think that was a very polite way of saying something else.

  2. Mel said,

    I have my u/s tomorrow, too, let’s try to think happy thoughts together, girlfriend!
    I am on real CD30 as of tomorrow, so just remember these things can go on for a lot longer and sometimes we just have to do our best to be patient.
    I never have any idea what they are showing me on the u/s monitor, either, but Dr. C once pointed at some stuff that I thought were small follicles and said it was veins. Uh-huh. Clearly, I have no idea what to look for!!
    Fingers crossed for US.
    🙂

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