Afraid to hope.

April 14, 2008 at 4:53 pm (Uncategorized)

I have been putting off writing this post because I’m scared to jinx anything, but of course I can’t think about anything else. And I kind of want to keep track of things. Sooo…two things today have made me hopeful. Which is scary. Anyway, here goes:

This morning I woke up and, forgive me for sharing, but I felt a rush of wetness down, you know, there. Almost like my period or something. Not a ton, but very watery. A few minutes later, I felt it again. I went to the bathroom and checked, and it was completely colorless. Just wet. And, um, oddly, as I’m writing this, I think I may have just felt it again.

The other thing is I have started feeling very mildly crampy today. It’s only been 8 days since I took my trigger shot, so supposedly 7 days past ovulation, so it doesn’t really make sense to me that these would be menstrual cramps. I haven’t gotten my period naturally in a long time, but when I was on the pill I wouldn’t really get cramps until the day before. I suppose my period could be coming early, but this would be really early.

It is also entirely possible that either or both of these is being caused by (a) the progesterone, (b) the estrogen, or (c) the trigger shot, which as of yesterday was still not out of my system.

Yes, I have Googled “watery discharge” and “watery cm.” On that Two Week Wait website (oh come on, don’t tell me you guys haven’t Googled your way to this site) where a billion people have listed their early pregnancy symptoms, it seems a lot of people had this. At the same time, a lot of people say they get watery discharge before their period, too. Maybe even a week before it. By the way, please note that this is nothing like the egg white cervical mucus that I experienced before ovulating. This wasn’t slippery or stretchy, it really seemed to have the consistency of water. So anyway, I don’t know what to make of it and it’s hard not to be hopeful about it.

Similarly, cramping around this time seems to be a common sign. But you know, I’ve got to remind myself, this website doesn’t post the early symptoms of people who don’t end up being pregnant, only the people who do. So maybe just as many people who didn’t get pregnant had some of this stuff. How am I to know? I tried to post a question on some discussion site, but no one has responded. But I’m kidding myself–it’s not like any amount of reassurance or encouragement or discouragement is going to make me stop thinking about this.

What’s that you say? Just forget about it and move on with my life until I can test? You obviously either (a) haven’t been reading this blog long enough, or (b) have never suffered from infertility.

Anyway, now I’ve gone and done it. I’m sure to have jinxed myself now.

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3 Comments

  1. Mel said,

    Ha! With you, girlfriend! Spent 20 minutes last night googling early pregnancy symptoms before my husband had to come in the office and force me off the computer. Pathetic. Weakling. We are ridiculous, but damnit with are fabulously ridiculous together.
    Hoping for you that all of those crazy signs are indeed early signs of pregnancy and that this wretched month was worth every single shot.
    *hugs*

  2. Waiting said,

    This is going to sound unbelievable, but I have had the SAME feeling (as of last night and today), and I googled the SAME thing you did. Weird! I feel like ‘ole Water Works down there or something (sorry to gag you). I don’t know if this is a sign of anything, or if I’ve maybe gotten this before and just wasn’t watching my body as much as I am now. I DID always think you were supposed to “dry” up right after O’ing, though. Who knows. …I’ll still be interested to know if Dr. Google let’s you in on any secrets, though! 🙂

  3. Handsandfeet said,

    Just wanted to join in — I’m thin PCOS with no symptoms (don’t ovulate, cystic ovaries) and am on my first injectable cycle. I stimmed for a few more days than you (on follistim), and am now one day behind you post O. I’m also on endometrin. My dr started me on it the day after O/IUI, and I’ve been having watery discharge ever since, with the gushing and all. Weird. I really hope it’s a good sign for both of us!

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