I’m here I’m here I’m here.

May 14, 2008 at 10:13 am (Uncategorized)

Sorry, I know I owed an update yesterday but it was not a day that lent itself to posting, for various boring reasons. So here goes:

NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing. Can you fucking believe it?! I know!! Me either!

Perhaps more details are in order. Still “multiple small” follicles in both ovaries (the nurse didn’t even bother looking for the slightly larger one in my left ovary). She upped my dosage slightly by adding 1/2 a vial of Bravelle each day. I don’t think she gave me Bravelle over Menopur for any particular reason other than that was what she had lying around (so at least I made a breakthrough this cycle in getting freebies). The only difference between Bravelle and Menopur is that Menopur is FSH and LH and Bravelle is just FSH. I guess she figures that’s all I need right now. I go back in on Saturday to see what’s up.

Highly discouraged and completely confused, I spoke to the doctor later in the day. She said even though this seems weird, it’s not that weird. Each cycle is different. She emphasized how much she does NOT want to risk multiples with me (confirming that it is much more difficult for a 5-foot-tall person to carry twins than it is for a 6-foot-tall person), and she even said she might have wanted to keep me on just the 1/2 vial of Menopur even longer (note that I’ve already been on a full vial for awhile) because “there is a very fine line between what won’t quite be enough and what will produce too many follicles”, but she’s okay with upping me a little more at this point this time, per the nurse’s instructions. She was entirely unconcerned about the slow progress this time. I see her as being pretty satisfied about things as long as we don’t have too many large follicles. Hmph. That must be nice for her.

I asked her whether she thought it might make sense to do an IUI, if only to increase our chances a little. She explained that she did not think it would make that much of a difference because I probably had plenty of mucus (sorry for the TMI) due to all the hormones (incidentally, I think this is probably true but I’m not sure how she would know since she hasn’t seen me in months, and I only just happened to mention seeing egg-white cervical mucus to the nurse around ovulation in the last cycle) and that my husband’s semen analysis looks just fine. She also said that she feels that this is just going to be a test of endurance for me, so she feels it’s important to have this process impose on my life as little as possible. Therefore, she doesn’t want to ask me to come in for all sorts of extra little things that she doesn’t think are truly necessary. She says if it doesn’t work after several tries, maybe we’ll do an HSG and perhaps another semen analysis (his last one was about a year and a half ago). When I asked her how many tries it usually takes, she said, “Well, considering that we ask normal couples who are ovulating regularly to try for a YEAR before getting treatment from us, we expect that it can take awhile.”

Argh. Especially when my cycles are like two months long apiece.

Then she said, “How much are you weighing these days?” I said, “About 103 or 104 pounds.” (Remember, I am 5′ tall.) She said, “You probably don’t want to, and your clothes may not fit anymore, but it might speed this process along if you gained another five pounds.” Okay, please let me complain a little bit, and don’t hate me. Ugh. I have already gained like 7 pounds. On a little person, it makes a difference. I just bought a bunch of new clothes and everything is already fitting me tight. She talks about not wanting to impose on my life–I can’t think of anything that would impose more. It makes that much of a difference in how I feel about myself. I like to feel cute, and gaining 12 pounds just, for me, kind of precludes that. I should probably take this as an opportunity to get over my vanity, but I can’t help it–I like the way people treat me when I look (and feel) the way I do when I’m a little thinner. Or even the weight I’m at now. This is acceptable to me–not great, but doable. It just sucks to have to make this change that feels drastic. I know it’s totally worth it, but I also feel like it would be unpleasant to have to gain weight and then not get pregnant. But then, you’ve heard me say that before.

Okay, sorry for that extremely self-indulgent rant. I realize that by comparison to a lot of people I am very trim. But we all have a way we like to be and we all like to feel in control. So you know, this just affects that.

So anyway, by the time I’m triggering many of your 2wws will be over, probably. So there’s lots more excitement happening on other blogs these days. I will, as always, keep you posted.

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4 Comments

  1. Angie said,

    I’m so sorry you had such a discouraging appointment. I don’t blame you for being frustrated. Like I said, there is already so much waiting in any given cycle that when you add even more – it must feel exasperating. I hope that in this case, the outcome is worth the wait.

    As far as the rest… I would say trust your doctor but I’ve learned first hand that it isn’t always the best advice. With that said, have you ever thought about getting a second opinion? My first doctor said that we would NEVER be able to conceive naturally and our only option was IVF. Not only did we conceive naturally once, IVF has never been suggested by either our current RE or DH’s urologist. Sometimes second opinions are worth the hassle.

    Hang in there, hon. I’m thinking about you.

  2. Mel said,

    Oh man, there is nothing about this that is NOT frustrating at this point.
    I understand her not wanting to push the twinning possibility, but even with 2 follicles I believe you have less than a 25% chance of conceiving multiples. I just hate it for you that you are just waiting and waiting. I hope the Bravelle speeds things along for you… seriously. I cannot wait to hear that you are finally triggering. You HAVE to be exasperated at this point and do not blame you.
    I do want to say that I switched REs after a few treatments with one that I never felt peaceful over. I just had that gut feeling she wasn’t right for me. MY current DR is a no brainer and I don’t even think twice about seeing anyone else anymore. I think you have to feel comlete trust and peace with your RE, otherwise why spend the money? I also think it’s odd they have already moved you to injectibles without even first doing an HSG!! Seriously!

    I wish I could do something to help, but instead I’ll just be waiting here with you.

  3. sara said,

    What a frustrating spot to be in, I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug! I agree with Mel, I would definitely request a HSG if this cycle doesn’t work. But I hope that this is the month and you don’t even have to worry about that! I’m sorry about the weight game they want you to do. I agree, being told to gain weight must be frustrating. I used to be 130lbs and 5’10” and my doctor was like Sara, gain at least 10 lbs. I was like huh? CRNA school did that to me without me trying, so I guess it’s a mute point now. But I remember how frustrating it was to hear that. I definitely like myself a little on the thinner side. I’m wishing you the best of luck, and being able to come to a decision you feel comfy with. Hugs..

  4. Handsandfeet said,

    Hi — I am just now recovering enough to catch back up with you. My first and only injectable cycle ended in an ectopic, so I had surgery last week and am on TTC hold until I’m completely healed. We’re going straight to IVF next in hopes of avoiding another ectopic. ANYWAY, enough about me. I just wanted to say that your doc sounds JUST like mine — really into low dose stims for a long time. I stimmed last time for 28 days before triggering. It’s not only the multiples that you want to avoid, it’s hyperstimulation and cancellation of the cycle (which we PCOSers are prone to). That would really suck after stimming for this long. There are a lot of REs out there who would go faster, but you would likely end up with some complications. I think you have a good one.

    As my DH has to keep reminding me, this is a marathon, not a sprint! We’ll all get there eventually…

    As for gaining weight, my RE has asked the same of me, especially since I lost weight with the ectopic business. I say do what you’re comfortable with. If your lining is good, I think you have adequate estrogen production, which is what fat is really good for, so I would think you’re okay. One thing that is a good way to increase calories without eating a bunch of junk food is to consume whole dairy products like milk and yogurt. Yum! They say that’s good for TTC anyway…

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