A bit more…

June 10, 2008 at 3:21 pm (Uncategorized)

See my last post if you haven’t checked in today yet. If you’ve already read it, then read on here…

I guess I’m just going to say more of the same stuff. I am scared, I am sad when I think about the disappointment I will feel in the next few days when I find out this didn’t work. It’s better now, when there still is some hope, than it will be several days from now when there won’t be anymore. Right now, I can still think about what it would be like to say, “Happy Birthday Mom…I’m pregnant!” or “Happy Fathers’ Day” (each to the appropriate individual, of course), as opposed to once I know the truth, when I will have to endure a weekend of barbecues and socializing with nothing to show for my approximately two month cycle but a few extra pounds and several thousand dollars fewer.

I know I’m talking like I already know how this turns out. I know you understand that I’m just protecting myself. And honestly, I know this is all a bit “the lady doth protest too much” (if I were sooo convinced it didn’t work, why would it all be so delicate?). I don’t know what to say. It’s too scary, makes me too vulnerable, to reveal some of the thoughts I really have been having about this.

I don’t know what to make of any of it, and time is moving too slowly, and too quickly, for me to sort out my feelings.

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2 Comments

  1. patti said,

    Hey Tam,

    I tested on CD26, which would have been 12 days after the first IUI and 11 days after the second. I barely got a positive, though, but I usually get AF on CD26, so I knew it was a good day to test.

    If you don’t want to test, wait until you go for your beta, hon. Though there’s no easy way to do this, you need to follow your instincts.

  2. Mel said,

    You know I can’t test early, it’s just this quirky thing I have. I feel like anything I get short than the actual day of a missed period is too questionable to accept.
    Waiting sucks and being hopeful and then disappointed sucks even more, but my mantra has held true time and time again. If you have hope, is it REALLY going to make a negative hurt anymore? It honestly sucks just as bad either way.
    So, I will be hopeful for you, no matter what!
    I am, as always, thinking of you and sending positive thought (and prayers) your way. I know what you are going through and I can only say that I will probably have to fly out there and throw you a party myself when you get your positive. šŸ˜‰
    *hugs*

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