Checking in

June 18, 2008 at 11:00 am (Uncategorized)

On Friday morning after getting another negative, I couldn’t bring myself to go in for the beta. Probably ultimately a stupid thing, as it might have saved me a lot of heartache over the weekend…

Because on Saturday about 45 minutes before my husband and I were about to leave for a friend’s barbecue (at which I was looking very forward to having a few drinks), he said to me, “Why don’t you take another pregnancy test? Just for fun.” Well, I’m not sure he used the word “fun” (I might have decked him if he did), but you get the idea. So I did it, and I looked at it, and it was negative, and while I was putting on makeup in the bathroom I called to him and said, “Well, do you want to see it? It’s negative.” And he came in and looked at it and said, I kid you not, “Well then how come I see a faint blue line right here?” And I said, of course, “Ha ha, very funny.” And he said, “I’m not joking.”

Unsurprisingly, this led to hours, days even, of peeing on sticks, analyzing *possible* lines on various brands of pregnancy tests, desperately rationing my last two progesterone suppositories, NOT DRINKING, and ultimately concluding that what might have been there on Saturday afternoon was not there on Sunday, nor was it there on Monday, but guess what was? My period.

Ugh. Rollercoaster. I should just get the stupid beta next time, I know.

By the way, I have chosen not to focus too much on the fact that we saw EXTREMELY faint positives on Saturday. They tended to be on brands that had blue lines, like the CVS generic brand, and one of those e.p.t. +/- tests. We never saw anything resembling a positive on any pink line tests like First Response or Answer (which, by the way, is just First Response with English AND Spanish writing on it). I have no idea what this means. Maybe it means I had a chemical pregnancy. Who the hell knows? Seriously, what does it even matter? I’m not pregnant now, which I’ve accepted, and I don’t want to think about the last cycle anymore.

Today I started round 3 of Menopur. Starting with one vial (75 IU) a day this time. Hopefully this will make a difference.



  1. patti said,

    I agree that next time it might be easier to get the beta and just know for sure, but I understand why you didn’t bother, too. When the nurse calls and says it’s negative, it’s like kicking someone when they’re down.

    By the way, thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. You really are a gem. I will keep my fingers crossed that this will be your month!!

  2. Mel said,

    Ah man, that sounds like a real shitty weekend.
    Nothing like the ups and downs of this whole mess to really screw your head up. 😦 I am so sorry… If it’s any consellation, I tend to see faint lines with any blue tests, too. Don’t know why. Never even a hint (not once) with a pink test.
    Two pink lines my ass, doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.

    Starting over and hoping that this month not only produces that baby you deserve but is MUCH LESS TIME CONSUMING than the last. 😉


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