Slowness.

July 11, 2008 at 4:41 pm (Uncategorized)

Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. It’s just that it looks like it’s going to be another long cycle, and that’s no fun to write about. I’ve been back in several times and no follicles are above 10 mm yet.

At yesterday’s ultrasound, however, there was a bonus–I sobbed in front of everyone there. First there was the ultrasound nurse, whom I know pretty well now. She felt sorry enough for me to give me another four vials of Menopur on top of the five she had given me the time before. Then I wept in front of the receptionists. I just couldn’t control myself–once it started it couldn’t be stopped. You could tell they felt terrible. The usually affect-less one even called me “babe.” And when I said, “I’m sure you guys get crying people in here all the time,” she said, “Yeah, but…it still affects us.” The other one just looked completely horrified that I was crying and said, “Ohhh…it’ll happen.” It made me feel sweet towards them, at least.

It was a bad day for other reasons. I was stressed out about work, aware that I am fatter than I have been in four years, and the follicle news on top of all that just…well, I just couldn’t handle it that day. It actually felt good to cry. Actually, it always feels good for me to cry. I think I cry more than many people, and I think people around me always think that I am in a ton of pain when I cry, but sometimes I think it’s just the opposite–crying is incredibly cathartic for me. I feel like I have a ton of negative energy running through me building up to a cry, and there’s something about letting it out, and even letting people see that, that feels really therapeutic and good.

I am obviously in better spirits today. I’m not entirely sure why–just the passage of time, I guess. I did get some good feedback at work yesterday, which helped. Also, my husband and I are supposed to be going on a weekend retreat with his firm to a beachy place. I say “supposed to” because we were supposed to leave an hour and a half ago, but he’s being held up at work, so I really hope this is still on. I am sitting in my office while he works, 20 floors above me. (Yeah, we work in the same building, as of three weeks ago, when my firm moved in. Too adorable, I know. Wait, now I feel like I already told you guys this. Whatever.) I scrambled to get through all the stuff that had to get done before our estimated time of departure, so now all that’s left to do is stuff that I hadn’t planned on dealing with until next week, and that I really really don’t want to deal with at all.

So I blog.

But since I mostly blog here about getting-pregnant stuff, and since there isn’t much getting pregnant going on around here, I don’t have much to say.

Okay, I’m going to sign off now and hope I get rescued soon. By the way, I am really excited for everybody who is pregnant right now. Really and truly! And it makes me happy for selfish reasons too, because it always makes me feel better about my chances.

And that is all for now. Thanks for sticking with me, everyone.

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2 Comments

  1. patti said,

    Crying IS cathartic. That’s why we do it when we’re upset, silly. If it makes you feel better, then go for it. Better out than in, right?

    As my darling hubby says, “If it’s stupid and it works, then it ain’t stupid!”

    Hope you have a great weekend.

  2. Mel said,

    I am a big cry baby. I cry on such a regular basis, I know my husband probably thinks I am absolutely bi-polar.
    I am glad you are feeling a bit better and I hope your weekend retreat was wonderful. I know it seems endless from where you are standing, but I promise it’s not. Try to keep some faith, and know I am doing the same for you!!
    *hugs*

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