Are butterflies bad for conception?

July 30, 2008 at 10:14 am (Uncategorized)

I used to call it adrenaline, but you know, I don’t think that’s what it is.  You know that squeezy rush you get in your stomach every time you think of something you are genuinely nervous about?  What I think people usually call “butterflies in my stomach?”  Like it’s the morning of the opening night of the school play, and you’re the lead?

That’s what happens to me every time I think about the fact that I am hoping to be pregnant right at this very second.

And it worries me, you know. They say don’t drink alcohol, limit caffeine, and try to avoid stress. But I can’t help it that I feel like I am about to tell my crush of two and a half years that I like him as more than a friend. And that chemical–whatever it is that’s making me lose my appetite and jolting me awake every time I try to take a nap–it can’t be helping to create the serene environment I’m trying to maintain inside my body. And I don’t know what to do about it.

Is it possible to get pregnant when you’re this fucking nervous all the time?

Part of the problem is, and I know you’re all going to think I’m a crazy paranoid bitch, but I still don’t know why I should believe I ovulated. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: WHAT. EVIDENCE. DO. I. HAVE. ????????? And more importantly, DOES. IT. MATTER. ????????? Even if I could prove that I didn’t ovulate, I can’t do anything differently for this cycle anyway, right? So why not just let it go?

Why not? Why not? Because I can’t stop thinking about it, that’s why not.

I sure as hell don’t feel anything. I mean, sure, little cramps here and there. I’ve chalked that up to my ovaries, and they’re notorious for telling me absolute shit about what I want to know about what’s going on in there. And of course, I know I’m not supposed to feel anything this early. And really, I’ve been trying to visualize the hell out of what’s going on in there, but it just feels like…a fantasy. It’s just too strange. And every time I move, I figure I’m knocking something out of place. I obviously realize that “not moving” is not required for getting pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hold myself to unrealistic standards, right?

Fortunately, I’m going away for a long weekend (Friday through Tuesday). That will be really good, I think. (Or will it just give me more time to think about this bullshit, which isn’t helpful at all?) We’re going to Montana, where my father-in-law owns a house. It’s for the father-in-law’s 65th birthday. I won’t be able to drink, of course–annoying. And it’s kind of not totally a real vacation, since it’s more of a family obligation. But at least I won’t be at work, and hopefully I’ll be relaxing. I doubt that will stop the butterflies, but what can I do?

I am supposed to test at the end of next week, on another “lucky” date (in China, anyway). The thought of it makes me a little nauseous. Butterflies will do that to you.

So, does anyone have any thoughts as to whether the butterflies are hurting my chances?

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4 Comments

  1. patti said,

    I felt the same way… but as my Mom reminded me: if stress stopped pregnancy then there wouldn’t have been a child born during/after the World Wars, right?

    I know how stupid this sounds and how hard it is to do, but all i can suggest is let it go. I found the only peace I managed to get was by saying, “It’s not up to me anymore. There’s nothing I can do, so I’m not going to worry about it.”

    It’d give me moments of respite in an otherwise adrenalined pumped day.

    Have a great weekend, hon. I will be thinking about you.

  2. Mel said,

    I am pretty sure the butterflies won’t hinder a baby from happening. I know the feeling all too well and it’s impossible to shake….
    Just think the best thoughts and try to have some faith, as hard as it is. The cycle I wound up pregnant was the one where I actually “felt” the least pregnant during the 2WW. Who knew?
    *hugs*
    (hope you have a nice vacation this weekend-jealous much!)

  3. M said,

    Totally normal. I really think butterflies and pregnancy go hand in hand. It’s impossible not to worry, so don’t worry too much about worrying, ok?! Just try not to overload yourself, and you’ll be fine. I hope, hope, hope that you get happy news this month! We’re rooting for you, as always.

  4. Lady Bits said,

    I don’t think stress is a factor. I really hope that it happens for you this time, Tam. xxx.

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