Thanks.

August 6, 2008 at 9:49 am (Uncategorized)

You guys definitely reassured me about the butterflies. In fact, the butterfly population in my stomach decreased significantly after I got your comments. Go figure.

Montana was fun and very relaxing, until yesterday when I got an email saying I had to be basically done with something for work I hadn’t even really started yet. I got to work at 6:30 this morning to work on it, and I’m still not done. I’m pretty tired and have a lot more work to do on it. But I wanted to drop a line.

To say what? I don’t know. It is what it is, I guess. I want this so much, but I know how lucky I am even if I don’t get it. Really. My life is incredible. And bad things could happen even if I do get pregnant. I am trying to really appreciate how green my grass is, and please try not to construe that in a dirty way, because that’s not how I mean it. 🙂

Still, thinking about this–it’s distracting. My heart is pounding as I write this. I wish I could take it all less seriously, but it just doesn’t work that way, does it? I don’t really feel tempted to test early. I don’t even feel tempted to test on time. Part of me wishes I could live in a bubble of not-knowing-ness for a lot longer. I think I’ve said it before–there’s still hope when I haven’t tested yet.

But you know? All the other good stuff I have in my life–it doesn’t go away when I get that negative pregnancy test. It really doesn’t. And I have to remember that.

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2 Comments

  1. Angie said,

    Try as we might, it is really hard to put life into perspective when we are smack dab in the middle of infertility. You are totally not alone in this battle. Just hang in there and know that I am hoping for the best!

  2. patti said,

    Thanks for the comment, hon. You definitely made me feel a lot better. You are TOO sweet! Hope things are going well for you (on *all* fronts). 🙂

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