Fourth try

September 14, 2008 at 10:32 am (Uncategorized)

On Thursday, 10 dpo, something came over me. I took a pregnancy test. It was negative.

I dealt with the failure of this cycle then. I have made plans for a fifth cycle, and plans to see a new RE if and when that doesn’t work, and possibly before I even know whether it did or not (I would see him sooner, but he is not available until mid-October). I have realized that it is far easier for me to deal with each failed cycle if I already know what I am going to do next. Pinning my hopes on the idea of never having to do another cycle is far too painful.

I know it’s possible this cycle worked, but I seriously doubt it, and I am trying very hard not to entertain the notion that it might have. I know that seems like the opposite of what I should be doing, but it will make tomorrow so so so much better if I can pull it off.

I think I’m not even going to bother peeing on a stick tomorrow. I’m going to go straight for the beta. I realized that I would want the beta no matter what the result of the home pregnancy test ended up being anyway. I fully expect to get a call in the afternoon from the doctor saying, “I wish I had better news for you.” I’m glad she will be calling, because that means I will get to talk to her and set the next cycle in motion, which was a bit of a problem last time.

My life is really good. I can handle another failed cycle. I just wish I knew that eventually, I won’t have to.

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1 Comment

  1. Mel said,

    You know, I am not going to say and of the cliche type things or tell you to still hold out hope. You have to handle this your way and whatever works for you is what’s important.
    I am still thinking of you constantly and hoping that your baby will hurry up and get here. Keep trying, I know you will.
    Email me if you want to vent.
    *hugs*

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