Happy 27th, Britney

December 2, 2008 at 10:58 am (Uncategorized)

I mean, ’cause why not?

So I guess I ovulated. The doctor said I did. He didn’t say so right away. In fact, when we looked at the ultrasound screen, I started to get upset. I still saw several big fat follicles. I was waiting to see collapsed ones. But he said that one of the ones from yesterday had collapsed (he pointed it out–it was much smaller, which made it difficult to see), one hadn’t ruptured, one looked like it might have ruptured and started to become a corpus luteum OR it might have just started to luteinize unruptured, and one, he said, had clearly ruptured and become a large corpus luteum.

Whatever. I don’t know. I guess he thinks two and possibly three, but possibly not three, ovulated. Now I’m on lots of progesterone and estrogen for the next two weeks. I asked my husband if he thought there was any chance the doctor might say I ovulated even if he could tell I hadn’t or he wasn’t sure. He said I was crazy. Maybe I am.

I am trying to be positive. But this gets harder and harder. (Ugh, I hate the whiny sound of that.) I told my husband this morning, “I don’t know what to do with my brain for the next two weeks.” I know I’m supposed to visualize fertilization and shit like that, but it is nearly impossible for me. Oh sure, I can visualize it in the abstract, but I can’t do that thing where you really imagine it happening inside you. So I guess I’ll just go to work and eat lunch and wake up and go to bed for the next two weeks, while avoiding alcohol and whatever else it is I decide I should probably avoid for the moment, and, you know, just wait. And try not to get too down on everything. Jeez, I was even feeling super optimistic, and now, though there is really NO reason for me to stop feeling optimistic, I just feel…anxious. I guess because we’re back at this point where it’s totally out of my control.

Also, I hate that I sound like a fucking broken record already.

Positive thoughts, though. Positive thoughts. There’s no reason it shouldn’t work this time. No reason at all.


1 Comment

  1. patti said,

    You’re right, there’s no reason it couldn’t have worked this time.

    But that damn two week wait is brutal on a woman’s emotions and nerves.

    I think I told you, but the two week wait I had for this pregnancy was hell. I tried my best not to think about it, but it’s like not talking about the big pink elephant in the room. Just try to get up each day and go about your stuff without thinking about tomorrow. One day at a time. Really, it’s all you can do…

    ..and whine away! That’s what we’re here for: to support you through this.


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