I had been feeling so optimistic.

December 7, 2008 at 8:44 pm (Uncategorized)

…and then I went back and read early TTC posts from a very widely-read blog that was, at one time, about infertility. And as it turns out, none of her IUIs got her pregnant, and when she decided to adopt, she got pregnant spontaneously. Just like so very many people.

And it made me so sad, because that can’t happen to me. Because I just don’t ovulate on my own. At all.

I just told my husband this–I know it upset him. He hates that I read this stuff, and I got the sense just now that he feels like I’m not doing my part when I read it and let it get me down.

But really, I had been feeling so good. I’m mad at myself now for reading that, for letting it get to me. I have too much goddamn time on my hands.

Okay, that’s over. Moving on. We’re good.

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3 Comments

  1. patti said,

    It’s crazy what we do to ourselves, huh? I did the same thing. Read every blog I could find and when I discovered a lot of them didn’t have the outcomes I wanted, it just made me feel that I had already got the negative for that month.

    But you know what? They’re not you. Just because IUI didn’t work for them, doesn’t mean it’s not going to work for you. If IUI didn’t work for anyone, then it wouldn’t be offered as a fertility option, right? Hell, it worked for me. 😉

    I know it’s hard not to ride the emotional wave until you smack into the sand, face first, but just try to remain positive. You WILL get pregnant. When the time and circumstances are right, it’ll happen. Try to hold onto that as you struggle through the hard times.

    Remember we’re here for you, too. Anytime you want to vent, email me. 🙂

  2. Mel said,

    Don’t let it get to you. For every story that it didn’t work out with treatment, there are 3 equally happy stories of women who did get pregnant with fertility treatments. We are all so different and I truly think babies revolve around this bizarre axis of timing that we cannot even remotely begin to understand or control.

  3. dana said,

    Ah, self-torture. Why is it that we do that? It’s like, we know it’s bad but we do it anyway…and we know we’ll end up in tears but we continue reading anyway…we know our happy thoughts will be shattered but we read away…and we know deep, deep down that nothing we read/search for will give us the answer that we want to hear during the 2ww. Only that little stick can. And still, we read on.

    Because you are human. That’s what we do.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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