This blog isn’t very fun to read any more, is it?

December 15, 2008 at 5:30 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ll try to be better. It’s just that I always feel so silly and stupid when I sound optimistic and then all my hopes and dreams are dashed. Not to be dramatic or anything.

I cried and grieved so much on Saturday that I felt surprisingly at peace on Sunday. My husband has been absolutely the best throughout all of this, but especially this time. I have never felt closer to him, so I suppose that is one nice thing to come out of this. It is awfully nice to have someone who wants this as much as I do, but who also says, “I’m happy with just you, and it would never be worth it to me to have this if it meant I couldn’t also have you.”

Today is Day 1, which means this last cycle was 26 days long!! Oh my god, I’m breaking records right and left. Anyway, I know this can be a long, difficult journey, so I’m ready to move on. Going back to see the doctor on Wednesday, and we’ll see if he has anything helpful to say. I’m beginning to see IVF as more and more of a realistic possibility now, but I’m pretty sure he wants to do one more IUI cycle before moving on. That’s fine. I believe my insurance will start picking up fertility treatments next year, so yay to that. I’m not going to hold out too much hope that this next IUI will work, but I am still very much expecting that I will have a baby one day. I am not letting go on that one.

To give some perspective, I now have two pregnant friends. One of them has a husband who just got laid off. The other one just discovered her husband has been carrying on an online relationship with a woman in another country who didn’t know he was married. Both of them are going to work it out, I know it, but it just goes to show that life doesn’t become perfect once you get pregnant. And so far I have it pretty good in all the departments except the pregnancy one.

Except that I forgot to mention that last week I got a call from a higher-up saying that my hours are way too low. Scary in these economic times when people are generally getting laid off right and left, but I felt it was a bit unfair too. Ah well, it was awful when I got the call, but I’m working hard to rectify it to the extent I can.

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1 Comment

  1. Mel said,

    I am so, so sorry that this month wasn’t THE month. There is never really anything one can say about it, other than if the desire is still in your heart, you have to keep pushing ahead. It’s hard, but the potential outcome is incomparable.
    We all have crap situations in life, don’t we? I still have to remind myself every day to be thankful for all the good things I have in my life. Pregnancy doesn’t make life perfect, that is for sure.
    *hugs*

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