Less pressure

January 11, 2009 at 4:33 pm (Uncategorized)

Today is Cycle Day 2 and we are meeting with the doctor tomorrow morning for a baseline ultrasound and to discuss what we are going to do for this next cycle. It suddenly occurred to me about a week ago that I suppose it’s possible the cysts haven’t gone away yet–I certainly hope they have because I am truly not in the mood to go back on that pill again. I doubt they will still be there, though. I could kind of feel them when they were there and I don’t really any more. Anyway, we’ll find out soon enough.

I have, for the time being, come to peace with a lot of what’s been going on lately. With each friend that has announced her pregnancy, I have spoken to (or emailed) her honestly and just said that I am happy for her, but that it is hard and that it is a reminder of what is wrong with me. In every case, it has made me feel a whole lot better. It is a lot easier for me to stomach their pregnancies now, I’m finding, though it still stings, of course. One sweet friend even pointed out to me that there have been many times in her life when she felt like a freak or left behind too. And it actually made me feel better!

I also spoke to this fantastic couple, two women, one of whom works at my dad’s firm, who tried very hard to get pregnant and had a lot of struggles with it, but they BOTH ended up getting pregnant (not at the same time, I don’t think) with the help of the same clinic I now go to, and they now have three kids under the age of three (!). I realized that even though I keep this blog and communicate over the internet with people who have gone through the same thing, and I talk to friends in real life, I have not yet spoken in real life to anyone who has gone through this, and it was just a huge relief. They stressed that I haven’t even tried IVF yet, I am really just at the beginning of all this, and that it is very likely that this will happen for us. They also encouraged us to enjoy the things we can do now that we won’t be able to do once we get pregnant and have kids, which I admit I sometimes forget to do. But even just things like sleeping 8 hours a night, I’m making a point of trying to enjoy. And I am trying very hard to put less pressure on myself to get pregnant ASAP because, as these lovely women pointed out, it’s not going to happen any sooner than it’s going to happen. Hence the theme of this post.

Anyway, I am feeling good about our chances and this year and everything. I am 29 years old, my lining always looks good, I appear to have plenty of eggs, and my husband’s sperm are in great shape. They may not be able to figure out what’s wrong, but even if we have to go to IVF, I think it will work eventually.

I know the doctor wanted to do one more IUI cycle before moving to IVF. Tomorrow when I see him, I am going to make sure he thinks the chances are good enough of working that it would be worth doing another IUI cycle rather than just starting an IVF cycle now. I am ready to get going on this. Obviously it’s scary to move to the “last” thing, but I don’t care. I am losing confidence in the IUI thing, and I’m pretty much ready for some real results now.

Thanks for sticking with me, guys. It is a thrill to get your comments, no joke.

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2 Comments

  1. Mel said,

    I like the sounds of this.
    *hugs*

  2. dana said,

    A big fat smile from me…and a hug! I cannot wait to see what 2009 brings you!

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