I am a liar.

January 12, 2009 at 3:31 pm (Uncategorized)

First of all, how slowly does time move? Like, seriously, I cannot believe how long everything takes. And yet, of course, time flies by because 2008 was gone in a flash. But still, it seems like ages ago I was at the pharmacy picking up my new set of meds, when actually it was just this morning, and I haven’t even started taking them yet. This day will never end.

As for me being a liar, I’m mostly referring to the fact that this morning I didn’t feel any of the stuff I wrote about yesterday. I have a headache and a sore throat and I felt disappointed after my doctor’s appointment. I don’t know, maybe he was just having an off day. Nothing bad happened–the cysts are gone and we’re starting another cycle–but it just felt like he didn’t want to indulge us and calm our fears today. For instance, he was oddly reluctant to give in and agree when my husband suggested that my ovaries look more like those of a young woman rather than an older one, even though ultimately gave it to us. He just wasn’t enthusiastic about it. And when I asked him whether I should be tested/checked for fragile X syndrome and endometriosis (the two fancy reproductive conditions people got me thinking about during my month off), he was sort of unresponsive, though he discussed them and my options. I just wanted a, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” or a “That might be a good idea.” Instead, he just kind of talked about it briefly and unenthusiastically and then left it up to me. I also asked him if he thought the chances were good enough doing another insemination cycle to bother with one more try. He wants to do one more insemination cycle, but his response didn’t indicate to me it was because he thought my chances were good enough, it was more like he just wanted to have two “good” normal cycles under his belt before moving to IVF. So basically, I don’t feel very compelled to be too excited about this cycle, though I am VERY glad that we’re starting up again in some way, shape or form.

Those great ladies I spoke to last week reminded me that the hormones really do screw with you. They even mentioned the “flat” period before they start “pumping you up with hormones again.” That would have to be during my period, which is the only time when I’m not being administered any hormones during these cycles. And it’s true, I feel flat and sad, and I realized I am actually looking forward to the injections because maybe the resulting estrogen will boost my mood a bit.

I think what I’m trying to say is that I’m a little bit addicted to Menopur.

I’m going to go ahead and believe it was just an off day for the doctor. I’m not going to get my hopes too high for this cycle, and instead just try to consider it another opportunity to gather information. My husband said he’s optimistic, though, which makes me feel good.

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1 Comment

  1. Mel said,

    Good days and bad days, just breathe. 😉
    *hugs*

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