Also just want to say

April 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm (Uncategorized)

…that the more I try to analyze and pinpoint and figure out what’s going on, the worse things go. I’m beginning to regret my decision not to just go for IVF immediately, even though I know I’m kind of just being a baby.

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I GIVE UP.

April 20, 2009 at 2:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Sigh. Not really, of course. I’m just frustrated and I know the secret to success is probably just totally forgetting about everything and not caring anymore, but, shockingly, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I don’t know what’s going on. Today is CD 16 and I’m trying to figure out if ovulation is happening/has happened/will happen some time soon. I *think* it probably hasn’t happened and isn’t happening any time terribly soon. But then again, I don’t understand anything. Like, for instance, on Friday my saliva ovulation predictor microscope started to show some subtle ferning signs, and then on Saturday it showed a lot of ferning, and then on Sunday it showed less ferning, and today it showed no ferning at all. I have not had any significant EWCM yet. My temperature dropped suddenly and quite a bit this morning. And OPKs were negative on Thursday and Saturday and Sunday, and I didn’t get a chance to test on Friday, though the line looked darker on Thursday than it did on Saturday or Sunday. So of course, some of this stuff makes me think maybe I ovulated over the weekend (maybe I surged Friday and missed it with the OPK?) or today (my temperature dropped, estrogen was high on Saturday but low today based on saliva monitor and apparently estrogen drops right before ovulation?). I even felt like I might be having cramps yesterday and/or today. However, the minimal EWCM does not strike me as very promising. Also, whenever I monitor this closely things do not go my way. So I’m not banking on anything. But I hate having to think about this so much. Someone take me away from all of this!

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Explanation

April 8, 2009 at 9:40 am (Uncategorized)

Right, right, so I should probably explain what the hell is going on. Because Dr. Z (the acupuncturist) thinks I ovulated, and because I do too (a very definite, if gradual, temperature rise, very obvious cervical mucus which stopped a few days after when I seem to have ovulated, and a very definite period make me feel fairly confident), I am going to keep going with just the acupuncture/herbal treatment and hold off on IVF for now.

Now, you may be thinking, “So you ovulated without hormone treatment. Big fucking deal. You ovulated WITH hormone treatment EIGHT TIMES and you didn’t get pregnant then. What makes you think you will now?” It’s true that I may not be able to get pregnant just because I ovulated on my own. Maybe there is something going on with me that makes it so that plain old ovulation and sex just won’t be able to do the job. HOWEVER:

1) We don’t know what that thing is. If you take out the anovulation factor, my infertility is unexplained. My tubes are not blocked, my lining and mucus have always been good, and my husband’s sperm are great. Also, I’m only 29 years old, and my Day 3 FSH levels have always been normal (though once I had an FSH level at some random point in the middle of what was probably a year-or-more-long cycle and it was 10, which is slightly high–but I was told that if it’s not done on Day 2 or 3 it doesn’t mean anything; I hope that’s true). The fact that there is not something clearly preventing me from getting pregnant just by ovulating and having sex definitely gives me pause before jumping into IVF. However, I would be starting IVF right now if I didn’t believe that…

2) There might actually be a difference between drug-induced ovulation and “natural” ovulation brought on by acupuncture and herbal treatment. Maybe there is no difference, in which case this is as unlikely to get me pregnant as the stim cycles I’ve been doing for the past year. But what Dr. Z is telling me is that the acupuncture and herbs treat all my systems and bring me into a hormonal balance. (She told me yesterday she had one woman drinking the tea and it made her asthma disappear for good.) They even, apparently, treat egg quality. So before, my doctors were giving me hormones that directly stimulated follicles to grow, then different hormones that directly stimulated them to release eggs, etc., but they weren’t treating the root of my problem, which was obviously some kind of hormonal imbalance. So though I may have been ovulating, my body may not have been creating the ideal environment for a pregnancy, though that was impossible to see from a blood test or an ultrasound. Also, the eggs I was ovulating may not have been the best ones. My body itself wasn’t choosing them–the hormone shots were, in a way. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but this is how I think of it and how Dr. Z seems to think of it. She said she treats the root of the problem, the source. I’d like to believe that if the tea and acupuncture are bringing my body into balance, to where it should be, that my body will know what to do on its own.

Another reasonable question: Why do I think the tea and acupuncture is any different from the hormones? Well, for one thing, I know she gives this tea to all kinds of women (and possibly all women) who are trying to get pregnant, not just the ones who don’t seem to ovulate on their own. This stuff is just supposed to generally “set things right.” And why would I believe it can even do that? Well, look at me! I fucking got my period and OVULATED. Seriously, that is so completely exciting and mind-blowing to me. For the time being, this woman has me sold. I’m willing to try pretty much anything she suggests, at least for a little while. And yesterday she told me again that she does not think I will need IVF to get pregnant. She thinks we can get this done naturally. So I want to try to do that.

I have no idea how long I’m going to try this for. I don’t even know how long this cycle is going to be. If it’s another 56-day one or even longer, that would suck. And this definitely is a double-edged sword because the fact that I’m doing this means I don’t *get* to do IVF yet. And I was pretty excited about that. Things were going to happen, you know? Now I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I feel like I have to try this. It’s too exciting not to explore.

So that’s that. I will certainly be keeping you posted as events warrant. Thanks for your comments, as always, because they are, as always, so very very much appreciated.

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Thanks

April 7, 2009 at 2:18 pm (Uncategorized)

…for totally getting it. I just saw my acupuncturist (a huge pain in the ass smack in the middle of the week and smack in the middle of the workday, I might add), who thinks I did ovulate around the 22nd but thinks it wasn’t a “strong” ovulation, hence the handful of lower temperatures over the past two weeks. I am going back on the tea, and hopefully this next cycle will be shorter and the next ovulation “stronger.” I also ordered some ovulation predictors–something I thought I would never be able to use.

I’ve been telling people that I “don’t” ovulate. Now I guess…maybe…I do? Pretty cool stuff.

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Holy shit.

April 5, 2009 at 2:46 pm (Uncategorized)

I just got my period. On my own. I’m not sure if anyone can understand what a big deal this is. In a good way.

I just cried a little.

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Tell me something.

April 3, 2009 at 9:26 am (Uncategorized)

Does this look like an ovulatory chart to you? I mean, as opposed to anovulatory? What I’m trying to ask is, do you think I ovulated? (Yes, I am way out there on day 55.) The huge temp spike in the middle is the one I mentioned several posts ago and was probably due to the fact that I drank the night before. Another smaller temp spike a week later was also probably due to the same thing. But I haven’t really been drinking over the last two weeks. Any thoughts?

chart

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