It’s alive!!

June 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm (Uncategorized)

Not to sound morbid or anything. This morning we saw and heard (LOUDLY) a good heartbeat (I didn’t ask the rate but I saw at the bottom of the screen that it seemed to be hovering around 120 beats per minute). The little guy measured 6w3d which, though it is not as far along as I had hoped and as the people at the office suggested it might be based on my beta levels, puts me at ovulating exactly when I thought I did–on May 23. So I feel quite vindicated. And also very, very happy. Very happy indeed.

My progesterone and estrogen levels are good (we tested them again today), so all I have to do is survive and not drink alcohol for two weeks until my next ultrasound. And hope very much that I measure 8w3d that day. Or, you know, even further? Would that be a good thing? An unexpected growth spurt?

My husband was there with me today and I was so glad. Of course, he wouldn’t miss it. The doctor was so sweet about it all. He said everything looked as it should. And after he left, I cried a little. Hearing the heartbeat was really overwhelming. And, like, THERE’S SOMETHING LIVING INSIDE OF ME. Which I guess there always is, like bacteria and stuff. But A HUMAN THIS TIME. With A BEATING HEART.

I’m not sure I will ever get over this.

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I’m sorry

June 19, 2009 at 2:46 pm (Uncategorized)

I don’t like that I even hinted at any ungratefulness. I am so, so damned excited to be pregnant, and totally willing to go through this for the pregnancy. I apologize if my last post implied any differently.

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I didn’t travel

June 19, 2009 at 2:16 pm (Uncategorized)

The good news: beta #2 was 25,428. The nurse was actually laughing on the phone when she told me, she couldn’t believe how high it was. She said it was time for me to schedule my first pregnancy ultrasound, where we’d get a better idea of how far along I am “when they do the crown-rump measurement.” I almost died when she said this. Really? There’s a crown and a rump in there? It’s almost impossible to believe.

The bad news: I felt so nauseous last night that I decided not to travel back east for my friend’s baby shower. I am so relieved not to be on a 6-hour flight today, let me tell you. And the friends were all so understanding, though I am certainly bummed to have to miss it.

I’m also really unhappy about the nausea. I know, I know, it’s a good sign. But when I’m feeling it really bad, I feel sort of angry and out of control…and worried. How am I going to get through work every day feeling like this? Today, since I was going to miss work anyway, I just decided to work from home. But it seems to be worst at night. Yesterday, I started feeling genuinely crappy in the afternoon and it got increasingly worse as the night wore on. I hovered over the toilet, but no vomit yet. This morning, I again felt better, and it got better and better and I was feeling actually good until about noon or so, and then I started to feel it again. I’m trying to eat every couple of hours, I’m trying to eat bland foods, I’m trying all the remedies I see discussed on the internet and elsewhere. Last night I tried my new Psi Bands (see previous post re: those), and at first they didn’t seem to work. But I put them on again at 12:45 am when I was lying in bed feeling horrible, and they definitely took the edge off–I slept with them all night. So maybe they’re best at night or something, I don’t know. I’m wearing them now and can’t tell if they’re helping…

Anyway, I want to be clear that I am so, so happy and grateful to be pregnant. Of course I am; you know I am. But I have to admit that it is easy to let that fade into the background when you’re focusing on your stomach. But when I do remember, of course I am happy – especially because the nausea is a good sign. It tells me things are going as they should. If I weren’t feeling like this, I’d probably be worried about that. But still, I can’t believe we have to be so helpless with this. It seems oddly unfair. And seriously, what is the evolutionary purpose of this? Just make us hungry, not nauseous, please.

Sigh. I think I’ll take a little walk now, because it’s finally a beautiful day. I’ll update you guys after my ultrasound on Tuesday.

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Nausea

June 17, 2009 at 9:38 am (Uncategorized)

Thank you for your sweet comments! Why is it so exciting to have you guys here going through this with me? It just is.

Yesterday I was a little nervous that my symptoms were lessening (I know, so original). Then, last night, I was awake from about 2 am to 4 am on the brink of puking. Now I’m just nervous about the 5 1/2 hour plane flight I’m taking on Friday and the return trip on Sunday. I planned this trip a couple of months ago, to attend my good friend M’s baby shower in NJ and to see my good college friends. I have been so looking forward to it, but now I don’t know. Last night, in a nauseated panic, I ordered a set of these Psi Bands with one-day delivery so I’d get them on Thursday in time for my Friday flight. I have no idea if they’ll work–I’ve never tried these kinds of things before, but I’m hoping. It’s something, anyway. I’d be fine with the placebo effect.

I managed to soothe my stomach eventually with saltines. I also ate one before getting out of bed this morning, and am here at work munching on them now. They actually really do seem to help, almost miraculously so. I’m going to keep these close by me for the foreseeable future.

And that’s that. Beta #2 tomorrow. Hope all goes well.

By the way, in case it’s hard to tell, I really am happy. I’m tired and queasy, but I’m happy. 🙂

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Update

June 11, 2009 at 10:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Today’s lab results:

Beta: 2371
Progesterone: 37.1
E2: 251

The nurse said, “So you think you ovulated somewhere around May 23-25? Because this number makes it look like it was five to seven days earlier…”

So it looks like I may be further along than we thought.

Since my numbers are high and strong, I don’t need any progesterone supplements (yay!) and I don’t go in for another beta until a week from now. And then I guess I’ll be able to have my first scan early the following week.

I know I sound like a robot talking about this. It is still all very surreal to me. Of course I am so excited, but already thinking about, “Will it be a blighted ovum? Will it have a heartbeat?” Etc. Of course, learning I was further along that we’d thought was good news, except that this means I was drinking “later” in the pregnancy than we’d thought. Maybe in the 5th week instead of the 4th. My husband and I fretted about this for awhile, but there’s nothing we can do and we’ve gotten a lot of people to say, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT,” so we’re trying not to.

Otherwise, this is just so crazy. I have wanted this for so long, and now it’s here. I am almost speechless…

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Um, you guys…

June 10, 2009 at 7:07 pm (Uncategorized)

This is ridiculous. There’s no clever way to say this. I am…um…well…

pregnant.

For the time being, anyway. As I told you in my last post, I ovulated a couple of weeks ago. Well, when I wrote that I think I was “fairly certain” I had ovulated. Now I’d say I’m positive. But I decided that I would be a fool to worry about it and not drink on vacation, so I went ahead and did so. Not to excess, but as a normal non-pregnant person would do on a vacation. I suspect I ovulated actually more than two weeks ago–more like 2 1/2 weeks. I put off taking this test because I preferred to live with not knowing than having disappointment, but today felt really different (my temp was still up, my boobs started to hurt in a new and different way), and I knew I was going to test today and I basically couldn’t pay any attention at work all day. I finally left work on the early side, came home, and took a test. It came up with a clear, dark line–quickly. I covered my mouth and started crying. I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I wanted to call my husband but I wanted to be really sure first, so I grabbed a leftover digital test I had from a previous cycle and tested with that too: “Pregnant.”

I’m going in for a beta tomorrow morning. I’m kind of floating on a cloud right now. My husband was practically speechless when I called to tell him, then he went off to research what kind of damage I could have done with the drinking I did (and by the way, please, readers, for all of our sakes, make me feel better about this). But we are cautiously happy. I told my parents, my friend A who has helped me through all this (and is currently 14 1/2 weeks pregnant herself), and then I decided to tell my sister-in-law and my brother too. Everyone knows all I have is a positive home pregnancy test, and that anything could happen from here on out. But I wanted them to know and am glad they know.

And that is all. Truly in a daze at this moment. I tried to upload a photo I took of the two positives, but I kind of can’t figure it out and you guys know what they look like. But let me know if you demand proof…

I will say one thing: I am an acupuncture and Chinese medicine convert.

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