about talking about myself

Okay, I’m updating this “about” page as of 8/18/08. I am 28 right now, and will be 29 in October.

The story thus far is as follows: I have been with the guy who is now my husband since 2001. Somewhat relatedly, I have known that I have had weird ovulatory problems for a really long time. I’ve been on and off the pill since I was almost 18, and the last time I think I got my period on my own was in college about 9 years ago. So I knew I would likely need some help (or at least some advice) when I decided I wanted to get pregnant. Over the years, I have periodically gone to see various doctors and gynecologists just so I could be reassured that I wasn’t totally screwing myself with respect to being able to get pregnant later in life by doing (or not doing) anything in particular at the moment, like remaining on the pill or, god, who even knows. The answer was pretty much always the same: until you actually want to get pregnant, there’s not much we can do. Other advice and diagnoses were sprinkled in here and there–some doctors thought I should try gaining some weight (it didn’t work), another doctor thought I had PCOS and told me to stop eating “white” foods (meaning foods with refined sugars and stuff–this also didn’t work). Finally, fall of 2008 rolls around, and I finally get myself a real job with real insurance. “Time to see a real fertility doctor,” I thought. At the time, I still wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, but I hadn’t ruled anything out. I wanted to know what my options were, what I would ultimately need to do, and when I would need to do it. You could say I’m a planner.

The RE I saw (and still see) told me she does not think I have PCOS; she instead thinks I have hypothalamic amenorrhea, and she was fairly confident I would need her help when I was ready to get pregnant. She also noted that my FSH level, which was not tested on cycle day 3 because I had no cycle at that point, was slightly high for someone my age (it was 10), and that sooner would therefore be better than later. My husband, who was still not my husband at this point, and I decided that we knew we wanted to have kids and there was really no particular reason to delay if there was any chance it could hurt our ultimate chances in the long run. So we decided to start trying. As something of an afterthought, we got married, figuring it would be easier to deal with the doctors and stuff if we were married. We had already lived together for almost four years at this point. We were planning on getting married, but there wasn’t any real reason, in our eyes, until this point. Don’t worry, we totally love each other a ton. And though we didn’t think marriage would really change anything, it did. For the better.

We started the process of getting me to ovulate in March of this year. Despite the slightly elevated FSH, the doctor was highly optimistic, given my age and diagnosis. We started doing injections of Menopur, and would trigger ovulation with Ovidrel. The doctor warned me that the first cycle would probably be on the long side, but that they would take less time after that. Well, the first cycle was on the long side–I think it ended up being 40-something days long. But we did it and I supposedly ovulated. We just did timed intercourse, as my husband’s semen analysis from just over a year earlier had been normal, and there was (and still is) no reason to think I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant once ovulation was induced.

Well, I didn’t get pregnant that first cycle. The second cycle, to my initial horror and ultimate disappointment, took longer than the first–it was 53 days long. But again, I (supposedly) ovulated, and we did timed intercourse again. Still not pregnant. I did, however, get a day 3 FSH test, and the level was good, no longer elevated. They take your FSH level at its highest, but I’ll take what I can get.

The third cycle was 54 days long, and that time I had two mature follicles, so two eggs should have dropped when I took the trigger shot. Our chances should have been better, but once again, no pregnancy.

Now we’re on cycle #4. I finally had an HSG this morning, and it came out normal (and thankfully did not involve the unfathomable pain I’ve read about on the internet). My husband had another semen analysis on Friday, which also came out normal (though we’re still awaiting morphology results–I guess they take longer?). So here we go, trying again.

It’s funny how a few months ago I didn’t think I wanted kids this soon, and now I desperately, desperately want to get pregnant, as does my husband. Actually, that first part is sort of a lie. I think I’ve kind of been desperately waiting to be given the go-ahead to try to get pregnant ever since my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy two and a half years ago, and I caught myself by surprise by bursting into uncontrollable tears. Oh sure, I was happy for her and my brother, and that was part of it. But I knew it wouldn’t be so easy for me, and I think deep down I wanted to try for myself. So it’s been good to finally be trying, but failing kind of sucks.

One more thing about talking about myself: I named it that because, let’s be honest, that’s what a blog is. Okay, maybe not all blogs, but this blog is, for sure. And, as long as we’re being honest… God I love talking about myself.

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3 Comments

  1. abesheet said,

    I love the fact that you like talking about yourself, you can’t imagine how much you’ll discover ;). Can’t understand why you seem to obssess on being pregant though. Why not do something worthwhile with the time you go around checking tubes and let life take it’s course? I was leaving my office the other evening, pretty bummed about the fact that it’s “our” (the builiding in which i live) turn of no-electricity day. We all have those twice a week for about 2 months now, due to an extended rainy season bla bla, and since i was trying to cut back on reading books and my husband lives in the states, i thought ‘what an ugly evening I’m gonne have tonight!’. I was feeling pretty helpless and depressed when i got into the taxi. Not even checking what i would wear in case it rains. It was when somebody behind me remarked “what a beautiful sky!” that i looked up. And so it was. Glorious! Amazing! I don’t remember when i saw a more beautiful evening sky in my 33 years in Addis Ababa, especially in the supposedly heaviest rainy season of the country. That’s when it hit me! I’m letting the darkness inside block the sunshine out there. So focused with what i don’t have, i’m missing out on the free gifts of life that each and every minute has to offer. I know that won’t come as much of a consolation when you are feeling down about the things you don’t have, but that’s the truth and you should try to live by it.

    Good luck on the pregnancy ;).

  2. sukdeb saha said,

    hello guys i am sukdeb.i am por guy.i thinking i am aun licky boy. hi wont something good for himself and his family.but hi sart somthing good but his luck not saporting with me that can i do i dont know. now i am very boring my life.i want finsh that.

  3. Anonymous said,

    🌟

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